This has been a tough week. I tried to move on with regular scheduled programming, posting my blog and video like I normally do at the top of each week. I don't even want to repeat the words again, or ruminate on the tragedy that we all experienced a few days ago. The world knows what happened, and I honor those in my prayers and heart who are hurting and in deep, inconsolable mourning. I realize now that everyone has different reactions to death and loss. Some are angry, some are depressed, some become silent, some become busy as to distract themselves from pain. I found myself in deep thought and shock mostly...in awe of how God could allow such a tragic thing to happen. Balancing how loving and gracious He is to His children. Wondering how on earth a wife and mother can move on with life, or a now single husband and father of three young children after enduring such an unfair and unexplainable loss.
I've always considered myself to be an optimist. I literally make it my business to FIND the light at the end of each tunnel. To SEE the drop of water in the cup that's seemingly empty. To DECLARE that "everything will be alright" even if I am extremely afraid and all signs point to it not being alright. This one's been tough. Last year a few months after this time, I had a similar pit in my stomach when the world lost yet another King and amazing man whom we all endeared and sorely miss (R.I.P. Nip). Both of these Kings meant so much to our community, to the people they impacted, and even to those they would never imagine. As I honor Kobe and all those who departed with him, and remember Nipsey in this moment I am grateful to God for using their transitions to soberly remind us how life is not promised to ANYone. You would think as much as people rattle that phrase off that it would sting less when someone passes on....I'm still waiting.
What has impacted me most is that I choose to look at my life and see what areas of it I need to let go of to embrace more happiness and peace. To realize that at any moment I could breathe my last breath...and what would I want that moment to feel like? Regretful? Distracted? Fearful? Angry? Stressed? Disappointed? Depressed?... None of these things. I decided that I would move forward through life with a renewed operating system. A new perspective toward people and things that produce negative feelings within me. I decided that I would really channel the power of being a blessing every day that I am alive. How can I bless situations that break my heart or cause me stress? How can I bless people who irritate, anger, or disappoint me? I'm a definition person, and always love to look deeper into the meaning of things. When looking up the definition of "blessing" I discovered that a blessing is:
a beneficial thing for which one is grateful; something that brings well-being.
a person's sanction (approval) or support.
My prayer today for myself and anyone who may be reading this, is that we step outside of ourselves, of our hurts, of our mistrust, of our irritation, of our feelings, of our unforgiveness, of our pride, of our immaturity, of our dependence on security, of our selfishness, of our justifiable complaining...to be OPEN to God using us to be a blessing to someone or to a situation today. How does this look? Only God knows, but the imagery in mind is literally taking the light within you and using it to consciously shed that light on someone or something else. Blessing a situation or someone in it produces more. I'm not saying that I'm an expert in this, but I can declare that I am extremely open to it. I pray that moving forward our appreciation and experience of life will include more blessings in it. NOT just the ones we constantly pray to receive, but the ones that we are willing to be.